Mervine_Week5_Assignment

[saburcat]

Ooops...shared this in the wrong place..


Vicki,

I know you asked that we turn in any last materials by midnight on Wednesday, but it just wasn't happening for me last night. LOL. So I apologize and I do NOT expect any comments or response to this, since I am turning it in late...I just don't like to leave things unfinished.
Thanks,

Louise


Mervine_Week5.doc (27 KB)

[Vicki Mayk]

Louise,
No worries. Give me a few days and I will give you some comments on this.

Best,
Vicki

[lynneheins]

Dale,

This is an incredible piece. Your writing is sterling and the reader, unfamiliar with the family holiday practice of that hospital, is swept up by the ending where they learn of your uncle’s young age. I liked your phrase”. I can watch the scene play out We become eyewitnesses and as you tell it you revise your memory. “ or does he sit as well”

The whole piece has a simplicity to it, kind of like the spartan atmosphere of a hospital room. In this setting, there isn’t much dialogue which punctuates the gravity of the situation.

I have done some reading online and in my books about memoir and I have yet to find reference to what Vicki called words of speculation. I have learned from your piece additional phrases to use showing forgotten or unsure memories:


This is the part I wasn’t there for

My mother told me the story later

But I’ve always imagined this is how


I will add these phrases to a growing list of word choices to use for forgotten memories



Lynne

[maura]

Louise,

This is a stark and powerful piece. You are great at conveying so much in tight paragraphs. This makes me very sad, and the ending is profound. I see the sentiment in the hospital's policy of keeping patients alive for family occasions, but I wonder if this measure of "control" makes it easier or harder to let go for the family. You give the reader much to think about. I've really enjoyed your work, and thank you so much for the comments on mine. It makes me feel validated when the person (past me) I'm writing about hardly ever did.

--Maura

[linz]

Louise,
You capture the glum tone of the hospital room scene so well, the waiting, the crying. I was on board immediately with your mention of "juicy steak dinner." And love your use of "newly-minted" for your teenaged self.
"Bloated human" and the heavy plastic wall make it clear your young uncle is dying. I'd never heard of the "family holiday" hospital policy. I think patients should be able to die on their terms when they're ready.
The fact that you missed the whole chapter while staying home and are retelling it succinctly is impressive. Great Job!