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Post by moll22 on Mar 24, 2019 3:10:39 GMT
Rance_Week 5.docx (125.96 KB) When I read over this piece, I felt like I used stream-of-consciousness narrative technique to help recall unclear scenes. I hope I transitioned scenes well enough that it's not too difficult to follow.
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ginny
New Member
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Post by ginny on Mar 24, 2019 12:21:56 GMT
Mollie,
The scene transitions work just fine for this reader. I had no trouble following this-- and I actually really enjoy that the transitions are soft, STREAM-like transitions. They serve the topic of the piece well. This is soft and flowy. I also think you've done an excellent job mixing what you know/remember and what you've found out and/or speculate-- a really great example of how to move through the telling in a memoir piece. Kudos! The only aspect of this that leaves me wanting more is the final paragraph. I'm not sure if you cut it off because of page/word count, but the last paragraph doesn't leave me feeling as fulfilled and connected to the material as the rest of the piece does. Consider finding a new place/way to wrap this shorter piece or extending it to a more robust ending. Thanks for sharing!
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linz
New Member
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Post by linz on Mar 27, 2019 16:08:21 GMT
Mollie, this is a charming piece, I liked the fresh memories of playing with your Dad at the beach, the crystal clear pool water, your Gramma talking while stirring a pitcher of iced tea. The dog sitting on the pool step is cute and you're retelling of the protective Morgan tale is great. Dog dips in the pond, walking across farmer's fields, warm memories associated with pork chops all nice touches. I can feel the family love.
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Post by lynneheins on Mar 31, 2019 15:07:55 GMT
Mollie,
A nostalgic story of summer : family, pools, and your dog. I loved the description of the dog in the pond and the pool, the smells ( hard to capture those images in writing) Your embedded story Grandma told of the protective dog on the roof of the car created a type of interlude or break or “ a history” to the whole memory. I had a radical thought….. what would it be like to have your last line ………..One bite of grilled pork chops always reminds me of summer nights at my grandparents’ house. open your piece.
Lynne
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