Grove Week 5

[ginny]

Grove Week 5.docx (15.29 KB)

[moll22]

Hi Ginny,

I liked your decision to write in the third person for this piece. The perspective makes it easy to express what might be observed, without making a definite assertion. You offered a great amount of details about what could have happened, enough so that I had a clear picture in mind of what likely happened. Almost as if a scientist told the story, offering a number of accurate predictions.

Great details about the "cigarette-burned couch" and checking to make sure everything was extinguished. I did wonder if that scene was a foreshadowing for the familiar "sundown sirens" you described. The name of the piece references literal sirens, but also implies that the sound was a familiar "song" in childhood as well

I loved the way you shifted timeframes in the last paragraph to talk about the memory of the sirens. Great way to conclude the focus of the piece. I always seem to end pieces abruptly, but your ending offered a natural flow. The only place where I felt a bit tripped up was in the second to last paragraph, when you began several sentences with the word "perhaps." It's another good example of describing unclear facts, but I would consider using other terms similar to "perhaps" to avoid repetition.


Your piece is a wonderful example of how to weave intricate details into a story, even when they are not verified facts.