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Post by saburcat on Mar 18, 2019 20:03:53 GMT
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Post by lynneheins on Mar 23, 2019 0:01:31 GMT
Louise,
I love verbs and you have some great ones: flopped, bubbled, streaming, beamed etc. How brave of you to write your experience in two parts and you used some speculation word/phrases tat were o effective: even then, a few days later, even” however” works. Your first lines the innocence and experience parts are similar but convey the different POV. I’m sure you know how vital first lines are . Stephen King says in his memoir first lines say, Listen. Come in here. ( I love this next part) When I'm starting a book, I compose in bed before I go to sleep. I will lie there in the dark and think. I'll try to write a paragraph. An opening paragraph. And over a period of weeks and months and even years, I'll word and reword it until I'm happy with what I've got. If I can get that first paragraph right, I'll know I can do the book. Because of this, I think, my first sentences stick with me. They were a doorway I went through.
Louise, Your Combination is skillful, reflective, and the ending is poignant and unexpected, as should a reflection be. In the second part you’ve created suspense “ confused look at her face” then the Pixy Stix event.
I’ve learned about beginnings from this piece and how strong “ Visual” can be . I loved the “music” in the first piece.
Lynne
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linz
New Member
Posts: 23
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Post by linz on Mar 27, 2019 15:27:50 GMT
Louise, I loved this piece, it's full of action. The hair comments are a great thread running through it, never having patience styling it, home perm etc. The (tree) log-dancing seems like a great time and you capture the movement, the energy well. Your uncle not being who you thought explained the other's sadness. I like that the experience part also involves a tree, all smiles posing. Pixy stix part is dark and contrast well with the girl's joy that afternoon. Disposing of Uncle's ashes on same creek great end. July Creek,Lake Quinault beautiful names. Loved your lines, all I knew was that the small blonde girl came from an unhappy place. ...rain casting shadow tears on her face." I can clearly imagine this natural setting you're describing.
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