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Post by adadio on Mar 16, 2019 21:34:12 GMT
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ginny
New Member
Posts: 20
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Post by ginny on Mar 16, 2019 22:16:18 GMT
What a marvelous example of this prompt! The detail collection-- almost an analysis of the details in the first paragraph-- is spot on. There's only a tiny bit of reflection there that hints at the deeper ideas you delve into when you move to the second paragraph. And THAT paragraph-- phew-- I felt that paragraph...it made me emotional. You were able to connect to something in this reader, and I believe that's a testament to how well you shift into a kind of timeline or evolution-like perspective. The reflection comes in more heavily and with it a richness of context. The final paragraphs, though there are some additional reflections, lose a bit of richness for me. That may be tied exclusively to the organization from description to reflection in a kind of abrupt (at least it read a bit abrupt to me) way. It feels like there's so much here for you to continue writing and if you move forward weaving the details and the reflection together, you're going to have quite an impactful piece on the flip side. Thank you for sharing.
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Post by moll22 on Mar 17, 2019 22:31:26 GMT
Hi Alex,
Lovely reflections of your shared birthday. It reminded me of my mother’s homemade icing she uses for birthday cakes.
I loved the line about your father’s inner child wanting to get and receive gifts, but his adult self berating him for it out of guilt of what he lived through, almost like his own voice of innocence wants overshadowed by his song of experience. I’d love to see some dialogue about that.
If you wanted to expand this piece, you might talk more about your resentment at first in sharing a birthday, and how that evolved to a cherished connection with your brother.
Good reflections.
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shar8
New Member
Posts: 11
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Post by shar8 on Mar 18, 2019 15:12:51 GMT
Alex - really loved this reflection from different points of view in your life.
Your descriptions are vivid and I feel I was in the experience with you. I love the way you approached this memory, full of love, but some resentment as well. Birthdays are full of such mixed feelings in many families and you captured this so well. Love the descriptions of your father and his "inner child." Great job!
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Post by Vicki Mayk on Mar 23, 2019 15:22:35 GMT
These pieces paint a great picture of family tradition. In fact, I see family traditions emerging as the secondary theme – from the traditions of your mom buying the cakes and elaborate gift wrapping to the establishment of your own tradition of making the homemade cakes for your boys. It is really a wonderful element in addition to the thread about the relationship with your brother. (It’s interesting about how these things emerge when we write memoir.)
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