shar8
New Member
Posts: 11
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Post by shar8 on Mar 16, 2019 15:21:05 GMT
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ginny
New Member
Posts: 20
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Post by ginny on Mar 16, 2019 22:05:59 GMT
Beautifully written, Sharon. I crave more from the voice of experience when you shift from the first to the second version. The reflection and context you've added helps me to digest the time, place, and the gravity of the situation in a more robust way than the first version. Helping a reader get in your head in memoir is so important... we want to understand how an event impacted YOU, what stood out for YOU, what it all means and meant to YOU. That happens in reflection. It is a tricky balance because we also want the benefit of the story and enough room to find ourselves within, but the reflection rounds out story in such a meaningful way. Lastly, the details of cookie vomit and, in particular, a few of the memorable lines of dialogue -- most especially the last line-- hit hard. Thank you for sharing.
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linz
New Member
Posts: 23
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Post by linz on Mar 25, 2019 18:58:33 GMT
Sharon, I am struck by your honest retelling of this somber early in life event. It's well written. You described your relationship with your boyfriend well. Your foreshadowing and sorrow is excellent..."decided it was for the best..." Your OB doc details, the paper over you, the stirrups, the rolling stool are all really effective. I like that you included the "post-Watergate" info. And that an explanation about your day away was needed for his parents. Back then there was NO GOOGLE to check out those White House rooms!
In the second version I liked how you described the investigation of the school you and your boyfriend were working on; your current meaningful project.
The ways you showed it was decades ago, the lack of cell phones, relying on your Mom for a ride (no Uber then)when you needed to keep her in the dark. Your reflections on its impact years later are sincere and your White House line is perfect.
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Post by saburcat on Mar 28, 2019 18:24:14 GMT
Wow. Just. Wow. This is such a well-written and powerful piece. The first part definitely feels like I'm with 20 year old Sharon, focused on the things she was focused on. The second part, the added bits and pieces, gives me a better understanding of where she was in life and why she was making this decision, but leaving the other parts the exact same illustrate that even after all these years, there are parts of that day that will never change.
I honestly don't know what else to say. It's just struck me and it's fantastic. In the beginning, I really thought that maybe this was a trip to DC to have sex for the first time! Lol. I really didn't see what was coming, until we got closer to the city and that "11 AM appointment" was mentioned. So you do a great job with that tension, not overdoing it but not giving anything away. And like I mentioned earlier, the added parts in the second version give me a better understanding of your mindset as you remember it--but at the time, you weren't thinking about anything except what you were headed to do. I want to give 20 year old Sharon a hug. Again, thank you for being so open and honest about such an experience.
Louise
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