ginny
New Member
Posts: 20
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Post by ginny on Mar 9, 2019 15:20:40 GMT
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Post by moll22 on Mar 9, 2019 19:19:57 GMT
Wow. The last line of your piece is such a beautiful reflection of your experience. It ties in so well with the rest of your colorful piece. I'll remember this piece as I work to provide sensory details in my own writing. The details you describe really frame your memories well.
Your description of the once "unblemished pale blue satin comforter" is a great way to describe a sense of innocence that didn't last. The way you connected the memory to hearing your brother's screams that had stopped with orange pills stuck with me, and I kept it in mind when you described your reflection about "swallowing the orange to balance out the blue" of your mind.
I'm wondering if you have reflections about other colors to paint a picture about more thoughts that led to your mindset. Would you use other colors to describe your mental wellbeing?
Well done.
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linz
New Member
Posts: 23
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Post by linz on Mar 11, 2019 19:38:23 GMT
Ginny, I read and reread this piece, let it digest, tossed it around in my mind.
The canopy cover and curtains frilly white with tiny blue flowers, these details impressed me and I thought spoke of a caring parent. The way you describe your parents' unwillingness to help you by providing info gave me the creeps. The whole family secrets thing.
The way you used your brother's violent outbursts: screaming, wailing 100%, the feet in the hallways among bedrooms, is effective and is suspect, makes the reader draw the worst conclusions. You watching wordless, taking it all in, was perfect. Your mom's medical books kept in brother's room, seems all wrong. Likewise the vaseline part was telling and disturbing.
The use of peach and blue provides another layer of weirdness. Thanks for writing with such honesty.
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Post by saburcat on Mar 28, 2019 17:08:42 GMT
Ginny,
This is such a strong piece. The use of orange and the various shades is well done (orange isn't usually a color we think of as coming in a wide array of shades, at least not me). It wasn't overdone and it balanced the blue out (both literally with color and the "blue" of sadness and depression of our narrator). There is so much in here that makes me want more (was the mother a doctor; were the parents drugging her brother, did they drug her; how else were the parents abusive that fearing being caught with a book is a major transgression--if the mom is a doctor, why wouldn't she want her daughter being knowledgeable as well?--how does a second grade even understand what suicide is?) I also like the bareness and compression of the piece. We don't need to know the answers to those questions, because it's not about those things...it's about the small things (orange, the chemical burn on the comforter, the child's fear) that swirl around this child. A very powerful piece.
Louise
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