Rance_Week 1

[moll22]

Rance_Week1.docx (129.01 KB)

-Mollie

[linz]

Mollie you describe this momentous first drive family scene with warmth, love and pride. It's a heartfelt tribute to your family, especially your grandfather. The memory of carefree sledding with grandfather cements your closeness to him. You make clear the pure delight of appreciating being in your grandparents' company-the simple joys of life. I like the way you contrast the past times (Morgan) with the present (the pug). And that the "salad days" are fleeting as your grandfather's health isn't good. You capture how loved you feel by your family. Anyone who buys a car with a sunroof to keep the dog happy is my kind of people.

[maura]

I love the contrasts in this story, such as the triumph of getting your license and the sadness of your grandfather's present state. Details like the two dogs and the change in your grandfather's voice- it all describes the passage of time so well. It made me think of my own grandparents and how they've influenced me, and how bittersweet when you can't fully share that with them. Yet, hope shines throughout this piece in a concrete way because you don't give up- on getting your license, or on keeping your grandfather's influence going strong.

[saburcat]

Hi Molly! This is a poignant piece, and while it's sad, it's one of those "smiling through the tears" kind of pieces. The descriptions of spending time with your grandparents, "Prior to sitting in the driver's seat, my preferred method of navigating that winding driveway was by sled," "melting in giggles as my grandfather helped me up," and that your grandparents took you on your first adventures all bring me right in to the close relationship you had with them. I personally remember pulling myself in between the two front seats of my grandfather's giant Buick (nicknamed "The Green Dragon") and yapping non-stop to my grandparents as we traveled to visit relatives in New Jersey every few months. If you wanted to expand this, you could bring in a few of your early adventures with them to show us what kinds of things you did (and if they occurred in a car, even better, since that's the thread through this piece).

I'm torn about something that I'm going to address since we're in this workshop to learn...In the second paragraph you mention getting your learner's permit in 2002 but you don't make this first licensed drive up your grandparents' driveway until fifteen years later. You do address why briefly by saying, "As a disabled woman, it took years to find the confidence, equipment, and instructor necessary to feel empowered on the road," but I'd kind of like to see some of these reasons played out. I don't think you need to make this about your disability, but as a reader I do want to know a little more. But, as I said, I'm torn about that...do I NEED to know more for the essay to work, or am I just being nosy and rude? LOL. In rereading, I feel like the line I mention above is sufficient to tell the reader why it took you fifteen years to get your license, although I still want to know more about that. Thing is, that's not what your piece is about, and I recognize that as well. You could write two separate but related pieces: one on the struggles to get licensed and one on this first trip to your grandparents house.

I love "Trips to my grandparents' house have no always had a purpose." I, too, love to just hop in the car and GO somewhere. I feel like this might contribute to your relationship with driving itself: the freedom to just up and say, "let's go somewhere," the fun of the drive itself, the love you know is waiting at the end. I also love how you bring Morgan and HIS love for car rides in as well, and the line, "Morgan was no longer around to greet me with his smile," broke my heart. I mean, I know he was a dog who was around when you were a kid, so obviously he's going to be gone, but still...the thought that he's still on your mind after all these years shows the reader how much you loved him.

If you wanted to make this a longer piece, there is a lot you could do. You could add some of those early adventures with your grandparents, maybe a car ride with Morgan, a bit more description of the car you ended up getting "slightly bigger...for safety," and maybe a little more about that interaction with you grandfather at the end. I'd also like to feel what YOU felt during this drive. The feeling of pressing down the pedals, of passing other cars (or being passed), the winding of the driveway or the bumps in it.

It's a bittersweet moment you talk about here, and I can feel the love you have for your family in it.

Louise

[moll22]

Thank you all for your feedback! I’d love to expand this piece so I’ll keep your suggestions in mind.